Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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