The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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