wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
