I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
