Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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