That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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