it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
