why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize