DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
