Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
