Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
