I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All the doctor said was why
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
