I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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