I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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