i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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