It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
