My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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