If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
