Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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