when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize