Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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