I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
