Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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