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Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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