my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
