you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
