There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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