How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize