Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
