i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
