sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
