How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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