My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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