he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
