I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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