Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
