haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
