That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
