Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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