how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
