He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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