I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
