How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
