Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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