Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
