If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
