yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
