Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
