Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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