You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
