Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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