you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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