I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
