never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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