Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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