I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
