the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
