he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
