he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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