okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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