...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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