His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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