i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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