So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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