The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
