Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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