THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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