One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
