did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
