We got so high we made milksteak
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
