so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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