I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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