Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
