Your face is a jimmy john
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Welp...herpes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
