either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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