and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
