apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
